10 days

in ten days i will be getting married.

all the preparation has kept me quite busy, along with everything else that already goes on in normal life. i haven't really written much of anything for some time now, but i miss it. ideas are constantly coming up into my head for stories, for blogs, for musings, for poems. and then that little voice that sneaks its whispers in, "don't forget, you are a writer."

it's sounds a little pretentious, i know. especially when you haven't published anything or made a dime off writing. but it's more of an identity thing. no, not identity. that's not the right word. vocation? you're supposed to make money with that too, right? how about that it's in my soul? yeah, i could say that.

there is something in writing that is cathartic to my soul.

you see, writers see the world a little differently. they see things from angles that express a slightly tilted world--one a little off from how you usually see it. they pick up the essence of a "character" in a short conversation with a stranger. they are usually a little strange, perhaps slightly "disturbed" as other people might call it. i like to think i do a pretty good job of hiding it.

so, all that to say, here's to writing again. which begins now, not tomorrow, not after the wedding or after this or after that. start where you are.


ok so back to this marriage thing. today we had our final meeting with the pastors who are marrying us. it was good, mostly going over final details and such, but also praying deeply about all of this. and in one of the prayers a phrase stuck out to me, "knitting our souls together." it stuck out, not because i got a mental image of a giant old man dressed in white clinking knitting needles together while he listens to prayers, but because this is a deep and great mystery. and the picture of knitting together captures a very small piece of that mystery.

i will begin and continue to experience this great mystery of love and union that is so powerful and unique. and i only am coming to that through an engagement of absolute commitment. i am very intrigued by the relationship between mystery and commitment, but i'm saving those thoughts for another venue (where perhaps i'll actually get paid for writing it! oo i know you're curious now, aren't you? i'll let you know, don't worry.)

the thing about knitting together souls souls that is a fitting image rather than say, the melting together of metals (which you don't really hear), is that each one keeps its identity though it is interwoven within the other's. yes the busyness of planning a wedding and craziness of life at certain times can pull you away from who you are and the things you love, but that only for a time.  true and healthy intimacy will always affirm and exalt the other person in who they truly are, and allow them the space to live it without suffocating for personal need/dependency. 

it's the mystery that as you completely and fully give yourself to another person you actually find that you have become more yourself. i feel this is what so many people do not realize when they fear commitment or overlook the significance of marriage by entering into it without their whole selfs. 

and that is where this all ties together (see i did that writer thing).  coming closer to the time of marriage, and i'm sure after actually being married, i will only experience a greater desire and welling up of my soul to write, because that is who i am.  and in my love for heather and her love for me i am compelled to be a better man, to be more fully myself, to live a life that is significant--and a big part of that for me is creating through writing. 

ten days and i will be united with another human being in a way that is indescribable.  and at the same time in ten days i will be more fully myself than i ever have been before.  amen.

did i say ten?  i think it's after midnight now, close enough right?. . . not that i'm eager or anything.

christoga???

really........?


Christoga from Alin Bijan on Vimeo.


ps maybe one of these days i'll return to writing, probably after the wedding.

the yes men

some engagement photos

:)

today

ok ok ok i know it's been awhile.  and you probably thought this blog was dead.  well i am still hopeful that perhaps someday i will have time to write more.  things have just been crazy busy.  i've got a lot going on right now--no time to blog!  but today was so eventful i just couldn't let it pass without recording all the preceding events.  so here's the run-down:

~ accomplished a bit more on putting together our wedding website.  link will come when completed.

~ selected paper color and weight for our forthcoming wedding invitations

~ booked our registration for the ccda conference in september.  volunteers pay only $25!

~ booked out honeymoon!!!!  i'm not one for this usually, but this deserves all caps--ITS FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!  heather's aunt and uncle so generously offered us a week on their timeshare, and after doing the research of what was availabe and what fit our dates, we're going to MALTA!!!  now if you don't know where malta is, this might help:

for those of you who don't know malta is a small little mediterranean island south of italy.  the resort is top notch and we feel so blessed to have been given this amazing incredible opportunity!  it looks something like this:

oh and this is where we're staying:

yeah.  i know.

~ then we went and got heather a car!  insane i know!  my brother-in-law was going to trade in his 2003 taurus and they didn't offer him very much, and he heard we were looking for a car so he just gave us it for the same as the trade-in offer!  such another huge blessing.

~ then we went to pick out wedding bands.  heather found a really great one and i am still deciding. it's tough.  i mean, i'll have it the rest of my life!

~ and tonight we had fun with the community--community dinner, ice cream after at foo's frozen custard, followed by a viewing of run fatboy run, one of my favorite comadies. 

to say the least, all in all it was a pretty great day!

Great Lake Swimmers - River's Edge

"the curse"

by josh ritter
video by liam hurley

tomorrow they may wraps fishes in it

source

this is too good

i am so pumped.

moonlight bride

Coal Miners by keep7925

mary

janelle monáe

Cold War by keep7925

polarization | or | what's wrong with america

in the second part of my exploration of american life, i would like to examine something that is perhaps the most frustrating thing to me about our american culture: polarization.  primary political polarization, but it also at times expands into other areas.  this is a large topic that brings out a lot of emotion from me--so organizing my thoughts may prove difficult.  follow as you can.

recent polarization in america is rooted in politics.  red state blue state.  fox news msnbc.  opposing political ideas is not the problem.  emotion-based politics over rational politics is partly to blame.  the political figure as celebrity over platforms of policy is another negative aid.  but the heart of the blame lies in the two-party system.

now before you attack me as an enemy of democracy, let us first consider just how democratic our democracy is.  democracy simply means a government by the people.  and when you consider the two-party system, you must realize that as much as 49% of the people are not "for" the current government.  "that's not my president" is a common bumper sticker of late.  even less extreme is just the common disagreement and lack of any sort of representation for those whose candidate they supported lost.  this creates the feeling within people that they have no voice.  so they get angry and allow the angry anchors and figures at fox news and talk radio to yell for them.  or they pride themselves in their "intellectual superiority" disdaining opposing views as antiquated.

but perhaps that's just the way it is--isn't that the nature of elections and voting?  this is a very important concept: democracy is not majority rules.  democracy, or rather what we actually have--a republic, implies representation.  but is that possible to have everyone represented?  unfortunately i think most americans just believe that it simply is not.  however if you were to know about parliamentary systems in many european countries you would know otherwise.  in their parliament (like our congress), the parties receive as many representatives as the percentage of vote their party receives.  so if the christian democratic party receives 13% of the vote they get that many representatives.  not only does this represent much more of the population, it also takes the focus off of particular individuals and onto the actual policies of that party.  it also keeps politicians from straying from their party's ideals and principles.

i'm sure the parliamentary system has it's flaws too, and the whole grass is always greener thing--but facing the problems that we are it sounds pretty appealing to me.  it sounds much more democratic.

but that isn't the system we are in, and so we experience polarization.  we have "news" channels that are businesses motivated by the dollar and so they are much more concerned with selling their program than thinking about the effect that their shows have on their viewers as participants in a government system.  let's also put talk radio in the same category.  it's all about the ratings.  they use hyperbole and loaded language and emotions to bump up their ratings with very little regard for social function.  sure they believe the things that they are saying, but do they believe they are really accomplishing progress and help for the american people?  maybe they do, but at what cost?  polarization results in no middle ground to move forward, so extremes must be taken because the ends justify the means for the radical.  this in turn creates further divergence and increases anger through the means of fillibusters, and in more extreme conditions further political corruption.

but at the more basic level this just keeps us from having intelligent conversations.  we are unable to talk to people with normal conversations because we write them off by their label.  liberal.  conservative.  fundamentalist.  elite.  or by the position they take on a single issue. 

no the media is not solely to blame for this of course.  we are as well for having listened to them.  and there are many other sources of the error.  we have become increasingly polarized, and i don't see how this will change.

if i had the skills and the desire and the ability to invest my energy anywhere politically, it would be to try and raise a third party that held to christian values on both sides of the political landscape.  pro life both before and after birth.  social justice and personal responsibility.  etc. etc. etc.  but let's be honest--financially it could never compete.  and in the current system it could never get enough representatives to make any sort of difference.  just ask ron paul. 

what do you think can/should be done about polarization in america?

jean vanier 1

Some people flee from commitment because they are frightened that if they put down roots in one soil they will curtail their freedom and never be able to look elsewhere.  It is true that if you marry one woman you give up millions of others--and that's a curtailment of freedom!  But freedom doesn't grow in the abstract; it grows in a particular soil with particular people.  Inner growth is only possible when we commit ourselves with and to others.  We all have to pass through a certain death and time of grief when we make choices and become rooted.  We mourn what we have left behind.


So many people do not realise that in giving up everything to follow Jesus and live in community, he gives back everything a hundredfold.

land of the free

"but who would want an american soul?"

not too long ago i watched the movie cold souls, with paul giamatti.  it was pretty funny dark humor.  it was about storing your soul and being set free from its burdens, and even being able to try on other people's souls for a time.  this led to a large soul trafficking business operated by the russians.  when the suggestion is made that they could not only send russian souls to america, but perhaps bring some back if people wanted them--that is when this line is said.

which struck me.  in the movie the joke is that the only american soul with any value is that of an american actor.  russian poet sounds like a soul someone would buy.  but apparently the only thing americans have a soul for is pretending to be someone else.  like the best of jokes, it strikes perhaps because there is some truth to it.

maybe not real truth--just perception.  there are many talented and rich american artists in music and film.  but many would say america is still lagging behind in literature and art.  of course, according to who?  well, the nobel prize people, but who put them in charge?  of course they would preference european stuff.

i have heard it said though that america is in many ways much like an adolescent culture, in comparison to european culture which is much older (read: wiser).  this is very western-focused, but isn't it true to some degree?  don't americans look up to europe like the older brother who seems to be so much cooler?  even though the younger brother has surpassed the older in prowess and ability.  then could you say the same about rising cultures like india and china in how they view america yet have their great abilities and disciplines?  i'm diverting a little.

still the question remains, "who would want an american soul?"  what is the american soul?  is there anything that makes it great?  do we as americans have something of an inferiority complex--where deep down we wonder if we are really as inwardly rich as other cultures?  does this lead to our arrogance?  or is it just the position of power we have over the rest of the world that goes to our head? 

as individuals, how do we see ourselves stacking up against the rest of the world?  would you say americans are on a whole immature?  what is our obsession with television and sports all about?  why are our politics so juvenille like small children fighting for their side?  why are americans statistically far more generous in giving money than any other nation on the planet?  what are the other questions we should be asking?

i've found myself thinking a lot about american life lately.  culture, the church, music, television, art, even a little politics.  i want this entry to be the first of a series on american life.  i know that's a broad topic, but i want to try to understand more.  i want to know what is at the heart of the american soul.  that's a lofty goal eh?

if you have any thoughts or ideas for topics please feel free to share.

the winston jazz routine

the winston jazz routine-an engineered interest by keep7925

russian cinema

recently i have watched two russian films and thoroughly loved them.  now you may say but of course luke would love russian films.  and that may be true.  but i think you would enjoy them too, if you like cinema.  not just movies, but film.  especially the first.  i recommend checking them out--if you're in to that sort of thing.  (the great thing being that no one knows if they are or not because who of you have seen one single russian film?  eh? eh?  give it a try!)

12

the island

both are on instant streaming netflix if you have it.

and soon i will write more and offer fewer videos. soon.

can you say 2011 oscar?

if only this was real...

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story" from Aaron Paul

aixois iv

i just want to say
that sitting outside
wearing flip flops
sunglasses
and a t-shirt
in the shade
because the sun was too hot
next to piles of snow
and budding trees
drinking hot espresso
is a little weird.

and glorious.

double down

another video for your appreciation