for tom

Mexican stand-off
–noun Informal: Sometimes Offensive.
a stalemate or impasse; a confrontation that neither side can win.

[Origin: 1890–95]

this seems to be the situation every couple months when it's dwindling. we all see it going, but who is going to be the one to break down and buy more? who will give in? who can hold out the longest? you see them shrink and disappear. finally you take to using other locations like on campus, or at a restaurant. maybe you even borrow a roll from one of these places, dropping it into your backpack behind locked doors.

yes, the source for toilet paper is always a point of contention. so tonight when all was gone and the need was dire, my roommate tom returned from wal-mart empty-handed. tragic. but he had won in a sense. what was to be my solution? would i have to make a late night run, enduring that knowing smile from the cashier? well good and gracious tom, he had it all figured out.

a roll of paper-towels torn in two. genius! don't you think? what ingenuity! what resourcefulness! and the results?

surprisingly ineffective.


  1. for me, the issue with buying toilet paper is that you basically have to buy the multi-pack of a 1000 roles. and then you come off looking like some dude who spends all their time on the pot or that you're preparing for Y2K... 8 years late.

    neither person is cool.

    thanks for your 'surprisingly ineffective' comment that was 'surprisingly TMI!'

  2. definitely tmi. and terrible for your septic system by the way!

    right out of high school i used to get nervous buying large packs of toilet paper because i was afraid they were going to accuse me of tp-ing houses. forget looking like a bathroom recluse, i was worried about jail time! [we tped a lot in high school and got the lecture about how illegal it was in youth group]

  3. You need a secret stash in your bedroom.