something clicked. i don't know what exactly it was or where it came from. it's not that i felt ready for it or saw it coming anytime soon. reading--no skimming a newspaper article that somehow ended up in my hands. and it all seemed suddenly clear.
you can choose what defines your life.
sure there are things that happen to us that we cannot control. and we cannot be unaffected by them if we truly mean to live in this crazy world. every sun sets. every leaf falls. and sometimes we linger. but ever will we move on--at least eventually. for everything else does. and we will find our legs underneath us once again.
i don't want _________ to define me. a person. a relationship. a hurt. a job. a trait. it's not always as out of control as it might seem. but then it isn't about grabbing for control--just realizing that you were the one holding on. and you just have to let it go. though that's harder than it sounds--we often are blinded to the ways we are still attached.
what is defining you right now?
suddenly the things that hold back don't seem so strong. their grip is loosening, and i am beginning to smile. shedding can be a painful process. after you are the same, yet different. was the garden harder than the hill? the surrender than the pain? forgiveness comes from the cross.
some good things are back. some things are different now. for good? well, nothing is permanent. except that one constant--that sways back and forth within you but apart never really changes. and you remember. and you find strength in your fingers. and in your heart. like nothing you had known before.
or maybe it just feels that way after so long.