trendspotting

i've got the jump on you this time demetri martin. i'm way ahead of you.

a few years back, it was popular for a lot of women's shirts to have a little tiny pocket on the sleeve up by the shoulder. i always questioned this little pocket. i mean, what possible use could it have? you could maybe put a cigarette in it--yes just one, or a quarter, or a cookie. of course i never saw any of these potential uses employed. it was too small for a wallet or key chain. no, it had no practical function--it is purely fashionable. though it looked ridiculous and fell out of fashion, perhaps never to return.

my apologies to anyone who still has a shirt with a pocket there.

another trend has risen up, or i should say has risen back up. ripped jeans. yes, it's cool to have those worn out jeans, even if they are worn out the day you buy them. it's more expensive to buy jeans that are falling apart then ones that will last. hey, it's fashion. don't complain.

now we could go into a number of trends that have sprung back up from the 80s. yes, they are returning, and the few of us in my generation who were too young to catch it the first time are old enough to be able to once again laugh at the ridiculousness of all that is over the top. that is, if we're not sucked in by the bright flashiness of it all. deer in the headlights, if you catch my drift.

but no, ripped jeans are not just fashion. now all you "socially conscious" people out there listen up. all you who are more excited now than christmas time because earth day is a mere 15 days away. you can embrace this trend for its shear functionability.

the other day, sitting at a restaurant, i saw a sorority girl using the large rip in her jeans a bit above the knee to hold her cell phone. brilliant! the ingenuity! what resourcefulness. of course, if your jeans aren't quite tight enough to function this way, go ahead and hit up a few all-you-can-eat buffets and fill them out. it's the american way AND now you are doing it for the environment.

so there you have it. you're up to date on the latest trend, and your ready to have your fashion double as saving the earth. no more need for pesky pockets and making poor foreign children go through all those elaborate sewings. think of all the time you're saving them! go ahead, give yourself a pat on the back.

and if you don't have jeans with rips in them, don't despair. just go out and buy a brand new ripped up pair for $99. think of all the good you'll be doing. and if you're a little tight on the cash right now, don't worry, just find yourself a nice big kitchen knife.