untitled

strength comes when you least expect it
or rather
when you need it most.

God's crumbs are like that sometimes--
when you feel malnourished
forgetting your invitation
they are a feast brought to your door.

i wish i was stronger
but sometimes i guess we have to be fed
usually when we're not looking for it.

i wish i was ok
being alone with myself
not spiting the joy of others,
and bearing patience a little softer.

and the notecard on my windowsill
is faded,
but i can still make out the words.
though i have them memorized by now
i still seem to need to see them.

"A heart resolved to love can radiate goodness without limits"
and
"Life is filled with serene beauty for whoever strives to love with trust"

and this monk's dying words
still seem just as elusive as they always have been,
with no years in a monastery to practice.

but that's the hope
and the aim
and the trust.

so the next step forward
means another day
and another surrender.