it's over

i was going to wait until i got back from chicago this next weekend, but the break is over. i know it was a mere 5 days with a post in there as well. but there really is no need to wait since the reason for the break has already come about. i doubt i was gone long enough for you to miss me. i guess you'll just have to learn to appreciate me another way.

i won't go into too many reasons of why i stopped for a bit. "separation" says it mostly. i needed to let myself experience that. i needed to allow myself to hold onto some things as truly mine, let them soak in, let myself really learn them. sometimes in my desire to share i hand things off before they have really become a part of me--but then i am just a courier, and that creates little in me. there are many who will take much more than they give. and some who will give without letting themselves keep. i don't want to be either of those things.

sometimes our open hands need to close. and though if they are empty they make fists, fists to shake in anger--maybe at God, maybe at another--they will open again. and in that maybe somehow they will also receive, in more ways than one.